Me and his lordship are going for DNA tests on Jez Kyles show. Apparently her ladyship suspects me and his nibs are one and the same, she suspects I’m the result of his cloning experiments. Rumour is he was trying to create a clone to do the chores, but made me instead. She says there’s too many similarities: we both like our bed, both take a while to respond to her calls, both not keen on going out in the rain and we both like liver and sausage. Seems obvious to me.